shortstack

lunchtime shenanigans

1: that girl you always talk to... she's a dike.
2: what's a dike?
1: you know, she likes the box!
2: what box?
1: she likes p****!
2: she has a cat?

17 November 2009

Not Eating Wendy's For a While

i was driving back to charleston from boone last night. i stopped at wendy’s to get a plain, spicy chicken sandwich. cravings would not subside.

i was getting back on I-77, sandwich in hand. i took a bite, and piping hot grease GUSHED out everywhere.

not just a little bit. it poured down my arm, all over and down my shirt, onto my chest and stomach. scalding. HOT. grease.

needless to say, i almost wrecked. probably my most disgusting and vomit-inducing food experience ever.

loki ended up eating the whole sandwich. and my arm is red from where it burnt me down to my elbow. FML.

16 November 2009

Don’t give a shit about anyone. Be selfish. Because once you ask yourself the question: What about me? Everything changes for the better. I mean after all, who are you? What do you want?

— The Women

22 October 2009

i love my mom

mom: I had a dream last night that I had to go over to Mrs. Rogers' house - I don't know why. Anyway, Kenny Chesney was there and was only 4' tall and then I hooked up with Bon Jovi - WTF -
me: MOM
me: CAN I PLEASE COPY PASTE THAT
mom: WHAT? WHERE?
me: on the internet
me: please
me: omg
me: that was awesome
mom: Yeah, it would have been if it was true, lol

6 September 2009

Lady talking to cashier @ subway

Lady: I'm sorry you're having a bad day
Cashier: I'm not having a bad day
Lady: oh it shows!
Cashier: no, I'm not having bad day!
Lady: trust me. IT SHOWS.
Cashier: FINE IM HAVING A BAD DAY

3 September 2009

d'oh!

sam: my friend katy expects me to give her rides everywhere. how do i tell her no politely?
me: say it with a nice voice
sam: like "hey stop being a cunt, i'm not your fuckin chauffeur" but with a smile?
me: yes
sam: what about online?
me: that works too
/* 10 minutes later */
sam: SHE DID NOT TAKE THAT WELL

26 August 2009

What Just Happened

<stanley> Dear Gentoo, stop sucking at postgresql ebuilds thx.
<shortstac> GENTOO!?!?!?!
<stanley> Genwhat?
<shortstack> facepalm
<shortstack> why
<stanley> pffffffffft
<shortstack> would you do that to yourself
<stanley> I'm sorry, Ms Fedora.
<stanley> Does Gentoo not meet your standards?
<stanley> Gentoo is the One True disciple of a little thing I like to call Slackware.
<stanley> The prophet of Yggdrasil.
<stanley> The One True Linux Kernel.
<shortstack> it's like... hey i wanna bake cupcakes... but i gotta make the sugar myself.. but first i gotta grow sugar cane...
<shortstack> i <3 slackware
<shortstack> i </3 gentoo
<stanley> How else would you know the sugar was good?
<shortstack> YOU'D STEAL SOMEONE ELSE'S GOOD, PRE-COMPILED SUGAR
<stanley> But what if their sugar was not optimized for my cupcake platform?
<stanley> Then I'd have slow cupcakes.
<shortstack> i'm gonna fuck up yo cupcake platform in about 2 seconds